i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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