there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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