Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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