i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
