This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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