There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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