if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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