was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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