Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
