she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
