This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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