Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
