Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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