Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
