Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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