Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
soo... how was my night?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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