i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
