omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he shaved USA in his pubs
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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