when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize