so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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