I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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