You can't motorboat a personality
only you would photoshop your dick
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
