he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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