hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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