his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
