This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
