Only a mothe r could love this liver
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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