Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
