Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
