My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
