the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize