She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Text me some of your sweat
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
