I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
