I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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