i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize