I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
