we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
