I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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