wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize