We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
