do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
