She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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