OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
