My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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