3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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