Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize