I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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