he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize