I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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