Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
