I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
