the condom got lost in my hair
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize