I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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