Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
