I wish I could punch you in the face.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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