I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize