Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
me + whiskey = a bad person
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
