I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you inspire me to be a worse person
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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