Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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