i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
