Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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