I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
