my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
