Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she smelled like a LAN party
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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