I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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