Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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