just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
