this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
