I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
